Silent night
Holy night
All is calm
All is bright
Nothing tests you or your relationship quite like the first 10 days with a newborn baby. As a new mother, you’re in an unfamiliar, healing body; you’re responsible for keeping alive a complete stranger with no survival instincts; and you somehow have to figure out how to do it all alongside your partner, who is exactly as clueless as you are. In those early days, you’re running on little to no sleep, you have an often-screaming baby that you don’t yet know how to soothe, and both of you are wearing diapers.
Despite having nine months to prepare mentally, physically, and emotionally, those first days shatter every notion you had and every hard line you thought you’d hold. In many ways, these moments are designed to break you down to your essence so that you can be rebuilt as “Mother.” That breakdown is not fun and it is not pretty.
I have to believe that God chose Mary because she already had a partner to support her as she became a mother. Joseph had the opportunity to check out—society of the day would have expected him to!—but through his faithfulness, courage, and love, he persevered for them both.
I am so incredibly lucky not to be alone in my motherhood journey, either. My incomparable husband Aaron is the only reason I have held onto my sanity through the newborn and postpartum phase. He has shown his love for me and our daughter in the most unglamorous ways imaginable. Postpartum is a physical and emotional test and Aaron aced them for me when I could barely hold the pen. In the moments we are just trying to survive, he has selflessly gone out of his way to make sure I don’t lose my identity.
In this season of Advent, and on this night, Christmas Eve, I see love all around me: in the eyes of my daughter and in the presence of my husband. It is rarely a Silent Night, but it is always a Holy Night.
God, in the sleepless nights, fragile beginnings, and moments that remake us, you are with us. Thank you for the ones that hold us together when we feel undone, and for the love that shows up quietly, but profoundly. Help us to see your presence in the faces of those we love and who love us. On this holy night, open our hearts to all that love can bring. Amen.
This reflection was written by Lillie Peterson.